On Sleep, Part II
The sleep problems Asher had were almost quaint at first. He slept only when held, but when he slept, he slept deep. In the first few weeks after coming home, there were a handful of nights where he really was getting the sleep he needed.
Of course, Meg was sleeping propped in a seated position, Asher cradled in her arms. That's a tenable solution for maybe three nights.
You have no idea.
Your parents and your friends with kids will warn you about the sleep deprivation you'll endure. They'll be really serious about it, and they'll give you that "you think you know but you have no idea" half-smile. I shrugged off the warnings with quippy little responses. "I've been a sleep camel for the last six months, though. I'm totally ready."
They were right all along. I had no idea.
I've noted before that as a dad, I ain't seen nothin'. But still, I have seen the effects first hand. There were days where I thought Meg was seriously-no-joke about to lose it.
What I didn't expect, though, was how hard it would be on Asher. In retrospect, I realize how naive that sounds. I assumed that Asher would keep us up but that in the midst of all the tossing and turning and night crazies, he'd somehow take care of getting the sleep he needed. But that's just not how it works.
We tried the co-sleeping thing, mostly because that seemed the easiest solution. Asher rejected the standard bassinet outright, so we got a side-carriage dealy. Meg would nurse, get him to a dead sleep, and gingerly place the package in his co-sleeper. No dice. Even when comforted with a hand on the chest, Asher would squirm himself awake every time.
Asher's exhaustion became more apparent every day. His eyes looked droopy, he cranked his way through every afternoon, and family members commented on his demeanor. The kid looked pooped.
Sleep training, FTW!
Something had to give. Meg did a ton of research and settled on Weissbluth's extinction method. It was a harrowing experience, but it worked – and fast. After seven days of training, Meg and I could put this kid that previously wouldn't sleep on his own, even when a mere foot from his mom, into his crib and have him sleep for 11 consecutive hours. It may not last forever, but for now it's working, and well. Asher's more alert, more himself.
For me, one of the hardest parts was that I spent most of my research time online. And let me be the first to tell you that the subset of mothers that spend every waking moment online, writing about their parenting experiences, they're a very opinionated bunch. Meg was right: you just have to do what works for you.
I hope you never need to sleep train your child. It's not one of the highlights of parenthood. But if you haven't needed to, you have no idea.
Asher, your mom and I would be proud of you no matter what. But when we wake up at 8 in the morning and you're still asleep after having gone down nearly 12 hours earlier, we do a little high five in your honor.
And when you wake and you're ready to play, we'll be there, far more rested than we were a month ago.